It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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