Soap is not a condiment
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
