My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
