Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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