I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
