Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
