RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
