I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
