The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
