today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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