you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
