Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
