k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
