party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
