We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
