Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
