I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
