They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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