we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
