absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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