i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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