I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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