when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
