Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
