I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
