i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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