I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
