Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
