somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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