so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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