I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize