One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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