I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
