There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
