so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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