Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
