I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
