you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
