the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How does it feel to date your dad?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
