white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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