she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
