I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize