Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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