I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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