I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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