Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
