we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
