It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
