I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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