Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
