Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
