carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
