hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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