Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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