We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize