you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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