In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
