John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
