pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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