I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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