Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
