you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
