I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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