i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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