I think im going to throw up on grandma
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
