So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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