Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
