I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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