can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
