I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
