I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
