alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
